It is with tears and fond memories that I write this. I write for therapeutic purposes as I mourn yet find relief in the passing of my dear friend Gary.
I am hopeful that through my mourning (that I choose to turn into joy) some of you may find a sense of comfort or understanding or some benefit as you recall your losses.
Whether your losses have been of people, animals, relationships, jobs, material things, ideas, etc. they are very real losses and can effect one profoundly. Thank you for sharing this experience with me by reading and commenting.
“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.”
― Carl Sagan,
Knowing that we descend from the Cosmos into these forms we call human bodies leads me to believe that it is to that end I must return. It is with that belief that I release my dear friend Gary. I release his spirit back into the light of the universe, to be free from this entangled life of bodily sickness and the roller coaster of the ego.
Even so, my selfish (ahem, human) heart is breaking at my loss. Not solely for my loss, however, as even my ego recognizes how much more his immediate family is hurting through this loss. This actually makes me feel even more selfish in my pain.
And yet I do not deride myself for feeling sad or selfish. I do not try to diminish it or ignore it.
I recognize that although I am a spirit being (having come from the light, and remaining a light being), I am also living the human experience.
The sadness and selfishness and yes the sense of relief on my friend’s behalf that he is free are all part of this experience.
Death, too, is part of the human experience.
Death is generally not looked upon favorably in western society. A society I fit/fall into so easily, being born and bred here. But when I listen to and watch my 5 year old’s reaction to this, something within me starts. (Some people get chills, some would say their spirits respond, some might say they ‘just knew’ it was important…)
I could probably count on one hand how many times my son has been exposed to prayer in our household, and yet a few days ago my not-yet-school-age son wanted to pray for my friend Gary. To my surprise, instead of praying for him to ‘get better,’ my son prayed for Gary’s wife. In effect, he prayed against loneliness in the aftermath of losing someone. My friend Gary only died TODAY, just a few hours ago.
One might recall the phrase “…from the mouths of babes…” I researched this and to my surprise found it comes from the Bible.
and they said to Him, “Do You hear what these children are saying?” And Jesus replied to them, “Yes; have you never read [in the Scripture], ‘Out of the mouths of infants and nursing babies You have prepared and provided praise for Yourself’?”
–Matthew 21:15-17Amplified Bible (AMP)
Tonight, after explaining to my 5 year old that Gary’s spirit had left his body, we said a little prayer, him first so as not to unintentionally persuade. He thanked God for helping Gary to leave his body and not be in any more pain. He also prayed for peace specifically for the wife, the children, and even the grandchildren. I had not yet considered the grandchildren, even though I know some of them (and my son does not).
With these words I close, to continue my earthly experience of feeling the sadness and turning it into joy.