It’s ironic how swayed one can be by emotions. The desire to shrivel up like a wilted flower, not knowing whether to scream or to cry. Unsure from whence these feelings came.
How, then, to overcome? Analyzing the thoughts, seeking the roots, is generally my first order of business. After all, if I don’t know the source of the issue, I reason, I cannot solve it.
But are emotions truly something to be ‘solved’? Must I transmute them into puzzle pieces to be logically sorted and arranged into something that makes even a little bit of sense? I contend that emotions are not logical. Sure, maybe I feel bad because I put in so much time editing a book without the author’s satisfaction that I am sad, or angry or frustrated (with circumstance, self, other). Finding the root of the current flow of emotions, however, does not equate to finding the root of the actual emotion.
Perhaps the problem is deeper rooted, deeper-seated than I want to go. And so instead I continue to dwell on the current circumstance. Thus my stilted journey through the maze of emotions has come to an end as I once again am in the spiraling waves, trying to respond, to hang on (or let go). After all, emotions do have their powers. Working logic in the midst of emotions – and ON emotions, no less – can be nigh impossible.
And so the shoulders slouch. The mouth droops at the corners. The eyes reflect a mix of anger and sadness. Shoulders tense. The whole demeanor is of someone on the edge.
And so my method of reasoning – seeking the root of the problem – is stalled (or crashed) and I must reassess. If indeed I can pull myself up from my wilted state long enough to do so. With just a bit of hydration, a bit of hope, I can look at myself and where my emotions have taken me, however unwillingly. Again. From this bit of tiny re-hydration I realize that before I can be truly analytical I must first change my thoughts. Change my mind. Create myself anew.
Still just surviving on that tiny drip of water (hope), I slowly begin to take control: to speak to self. I seek deeper and higher for that True self, that energy, that Source, from which I came. I see that my emotions do not rule me. I see that yes! I am able to rise above them!
I see the light that I am. I see the goodness in my life. I see the the warmth and comfort I have from having a roof over my head.
More specifically, I see how far I’ve come with my walk away from physical death (again!) and I see that I have been not just stable but improving for an entire year! I see the positive changes I have been making, however difficult, while reading through The Artist’s Way and other like books. These conscious changes – in my focus, my attitude, my demeanor and more – have improved myself, my marriage, and, I hope, my relationship with my child.
How do you manage or overcome sudden onslaughts of emotions that seem to come out of nowhere?
Learn to Ride the Wild Horse – HelpGuide.org
Beyond Intractability – Essay