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I began reading The Artist’s Way sometime in the fall of this year. Unsure if I could consider myself ‘that’ kind of artist, I began with some trepidation. When the author used the word “God,” and then proceeded to enable the reader to use whatever term fits – i.e.; universe/source/me, etc – I realized that the author is not merely making an allowance for anyone’s beliefs, but actually creating a platform for anyone to use.

And so I read on, becoming more immersed in the book and caught up in the idea of unleashing my subconscious self, if you will. The real me. The one that doesn’t balk inwardly while at the same time trying to make ‘it’ okay. Whatever it is – this denying of self actually becomes detrimental.

I read, and worked on the exercises in the book, and I could see a transformation occurring, even in the midst of only a few weeks. For one, I became more assertive. Not demanding – just less balking inwardly while ‘humbly’ accepting whatever comes. And two, I even began to see hints of a decades-long dream coming true.

Then… ER visits, Thanksgiving holidays, mind-numbing colds – and the book and its exercises were nearly forgotten as one week, then two, then almost three, passed me by until I once again picked up the book. Attempted the exercises. The ‘mood’ had gone. I was irritable, disinterested, and even… rebellious. Yes, an interesting word to use. Rebelling against the very book/exercises that had begun to unveil my true Self, and through which I had begun to see hints of a dream being made manifest. Why?

And how is it that our emotions can so control us? How do we instead manage emotions, so that we may have truly good lives? How do we satisfy the need to serve (help, defer to, assist) others without forgetting self? Where is the balance between honoring one’s Self and honoring another? Is it truly honoring another when we deny Self? Indeed when we deny self how can we even see the honor (or exude honor for) in another? I speak of “vertical honor,” as the Art of Manliness website depicts it.

Once you have searched your Self, read the enclosed links, and perhaps even started your own research – let me know your answers! One can posit theories, solutions, experiences and more but first the questions must be asked!

My hope is that a concentrated effort by each of my readers will serve the whole. And all while each seeks out the inner Self.

http://paidtoexist.com/anti-you/

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4598/Transforming-SelfDenial-SelfSabotage.html)

http://www.innerself.com/Reflections/are_you_rebelling.htm

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