, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Relationships. The very word tells you by the inclusion of ‘relation’ that it must include more than one person. Dynamic Duo. Three Musketeers. Singing Quartet. Crying Quintuplets.

Wait a minute. CRYING? Yep. That whole dynamic there does not seem to be working out so well. Who says those quintuplets are babies? And what about those Musketeers: were they always on the same page? Quartets usually get it together for showtime but we all know that musicians don’t always stay in the same group. Romantic relationships start off thriving but how many of us can count on one hand how many of them continue to do so?

So my question of the day/night/wee hours of the morning is: Why do relationships fail? *When I say ‘fail’ what I mean is that at least one person does not want the relationship to end. I don’t mean ‘end’ as in those involved mutually agreeing that parting ways is the best resort.

We’ve all had them – some that thrive, some that stagnate (and may later revive, or remain stagnate because we are too lazy to revive them or move on), and some that completely fail. I have had some very good relationships go by the wayside and have never understood the reason.

And this is where difference of perspective steps in, I believe. These aforementioned relationships to which I refer became long-distance; to me that should not have changed the friendship. The only sense I can make of the lost friendship is that it is now inconvenient. Tell me, readers, have you, too, experienced the loss of relationship due to inconvenience? Has someone done this to you? What do you think of people who do this? Have you yourself been guilty of this? If so, was the loss of convenience worth losing the friendship over?  How do you feel about yourself for having done this?

I cannot think of someone whose friendship I have ended due to inconvenience, but that does not necessarily mean that I haven’t. I do know that it is hurtful on the other end of the spectrum. However, I would still not ever change the amount of time that we were friends; it was a wonderful time for us. This type of relationship failure falls into the long-distance/inconvenience category. Speaking of which, I am sure many of us have also had the long-distance romantic relationship that has not worked out (although I also have one that ended up working out quite well!).

A very difficult type of relationship failure is one that is far more prevalent than one might suspect, and it involves parent-child issues. In these types of cases it might be the child ‘divorcing’ the parent, or the parent ‘disowning’ the child. Sadly, a quick Google search results in a wiki on how to divorce one’s parents. Legally. And parents, grandparents, and more say terribly hurtful things to their own blood family, their offspring, cutting them out of their lives in every single way. I am not referring to anything financially whatsoever. I am assuming that would go without saying. Of course a spouse can be estranged as well. That is #2 on the list.

Another reason extremely big reason for relationship failure is that people can be inclusive/exclusive. It is not just in junior high school, or college, or sports teams, or Mom’s groups that ‘cliques’ are formed – it is everywhere. It is in the workplace even moving between your colleagues and your superiors; it is in the churches; it is at the playground; it is at the sports bar you frequent. And the groups – these groups that have forged friendships – are either inclusive or exclusive. Many groups invite people to join them but then the new person cannot really get ‘in’ because the group is already too tightly knit to let anyone else get close. And so, despite the new person’s effort, and even the group’s effort at inclusivity (it is really exclusive and hasn’t realized it, perhaps), it is yet another failed relationship.

Top 3 Reasons for Relationship Failure

  1. Inconvenience/Long Distance
  2. Estrangement/Alienate
  3. Exclusiveness/Exclusivity

And how about those relationships that stagnate? Well we briefly covered that: people forget to pay attention to the relationships they do have. Think of a relationship as a plant. If it is not watered and given the right amount of sunlight, it dies. Or as a pet snake. If you do not feed it and give it the right amount of shade and light, it will die.

The ones the thrive? Oh those are the ones that spend quality time together! They laugh together as well as lean on one another during hard times. They remember special occasions; they say or do things that the other person(s) enjoy(s). Because people in relationships usually love one another in some sort of way and therefore want to make the other(s) happy. So my motto is not ‘to do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ but rather do unto others as THEY would have done unto THEM. In other words, try to do what you think that person would like, not what you would like. 🙂

Happy relationship-making and -keeping!